ST. LOUIS, Missouri -- "These weeks have been the worst weeks of my life since I lost my son.”
Dashia Martin is grieving the death of her baby boy, Dashawn who was killed in a house fire in St. Louis on October 26th.
Dashia says she left her nine-month-old baby boy with her cousin that night so that she could get an early start searching for a new apartment in the morning.
She says it was the first time she left his side.
“His first time leaving, and he never came back,” Dashia said. “So I do I do blame myself sometimes. If I was there I would have saved my baby. My baby would still be here."
Her cousin's apartment building caught on fire.
Six adults and two small children were rescued.
Fire officials said six adults and two other small children were in the house at the time, many who had to be rescued and taken to the hospital in critical condition. Officials at the time told FOX2 News that Dashawn's body was found on the second floor, burned so badly a DNA test was needed to identify him.
As Dashia prepares for the funeral, she still hasn't seen her baby's body.
“That's the most heartbreaking thing I ever heard is tell me I can't see my child,” she said.
The funeral director, Ronald L. Jones said he made that choice because he's protecting Dashia from psychological trauma and himself from a possible lawsuit.
“The question is, what will she see? She won't see nothing that looks like her baby,” Ronald L. Jones with Ronald L. Jones Funeral Chapels said.
“She could have a heart attack. She could have some emotional trauma behind seeing it, and then who's liable?” he questioned.
No matter how horrific, Dashia feels seeing her son will ease the pain and guilt she feels in her heart and offer some kind of closure.
The family also feels left in the dark in the whole investigation, saying their questions aren't being answered and their phone calls aren’t being returned.
They are asking for help for a proper burial for Dashawn. The family has set up a GoFundMe page to raise $3,000.
Also, there's a GoFundMe page for Ronald L. Jones Funeral Chapels -- accepting donations made out to Dashawn Martin.