53 other things you can do if you’re not into Super Bowl 53
ATLANTA — The Super Bowl is upon us once again — and the thought of it makes your stomach queasy. Maybe you’re tired of seeing the New England Patriots in the big game EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Maybe you feel like your team was robbed of its opportunity to play this weekend in Atlanta. (We see you New Orleans Saints fans.) Or maybe you just flat out don’t like football.
No worries. You don’t have to watch a game you’d rather skip. Here are 53 things you can do other than sitting through Super Bowl LIII.
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
The traffic will probably be light while the game’s on. Why not take advantage of it?
1. Dine at the fancy restaurant you can never get reservations for, because everybody else is eating burgers and hot wings in front of their TVs.
2. Go grocery shopping. You’ll have the aisles all to yourselves.
3. Hit the gym. You’ve gotten an, ahem, late start on that New Year’s resolution. You’ll practically have the gym to yourself on Sunday. So have at it.
LIVE YOUR LIFE
Use the hours you’d waste watching the game to do all the things you “never have time for.”
4. Unfriend all those folks on Facebook you’ve been threatening to dump for years.
5. Get your Valentine’s Day shopping out of the way.
6. Finish that book you’ve been trying to complete. Unless of course you followed Marie Kondo’s orders and just tossed them all out. Hey, if it doesn’t spark joy …
7. Get a jump start on the National Day of Unplugging. It’s a 24-hour period where you’re supposed to disconnect from all digital devices and reconnect with the ones you love. It’s not until March 1, but you might as well start since you’ll be away from the TV.
8. File your taxes. Hey, it is tax season. So grab that W-2, IRS forms and a calculator and get to work.
WATCH THE ‘OTHER’ FOOTBALL GAMES
Oh, you can still watch championship-level football, but the difference is the stars are named Fluffy and Fido, not Brady and Goff.
9. “Puppy Bowl,” Animal Planet. It’s the greatest bit of Super Bowl counterprogramming ever created.
10. “Kitten Bowl,” Hallmark Channel. Yes, it’s a blatant rip-off of the “Puppy Bowl,” but when you don’t like dogs or pigskin, this is what you get.
11. Soccer. More people in the world actually care more about the action on the pitch than on the gridiron. If you’re one of them, you can watch Lobos BUAP vs Pachuca in Mexican Liga MX play, or see Vélez Sarsfield vs River Plate in Superliga Argentina action.
GET SOME CULTURE
The lights don’t go out on the Great White Way just because all eyes are on the big game. And, believe it or not, the rest of the world doesn’t stop either.
12. “The Lion King,” at the Minskoff Theatre. The classic Disney tale of a young lion who gets framed for his dad’s murder by his evil uncle. Such uplifting family entertainment. Be sure to bring the kids.
13. “Wicked,” at the Gershwin Theatre. Wow, a retelling of the “Wizard of Oz” from the witches’ perspective. How original.
14. “Harry Potter and the Cursed Child,” at the Lyric Theatre. This umpteenth part of the Harry Potter saga is so long it’s divided into two performances. So you’ll miss the game and its overly long pregame show. Lucky you.
15. “Mean Girls,” at the August Wilson Theatre. Oh look, it’s another musical based on a movie.
16. “Jersey Boys,” at New World Stages. There’s no better way to forget about the big game than with the ultimate jukebox musical.
17. “Avenue Q,” at New World Stages. If you don’t want to watch grown men crashing into each other on the football field, you can always watch oversized puppets curse each other out on stage.
18. Hang out with a mind reader in Vegas. At Frederic Da Silva’s “Paranormal Mind Reading Magic,” at Bally’s Hotel and Casino, you can forget about that bad bet you made on the Kansas City Chiefs.
19. Take in some art at Enjoy Photo LA in Santa Monica. There will be lectures, roundtable discussions, special installations, docent tours — everything to make you feel too sophisticated for something as low-brow as football.
20. Have fun with maps at the Miami International Map Fair. It features rare and antique maps and panel sessions with titles like “It’s All Data After All: Cartographic Frontiers in the Geospatial Revolution.” Good times indeed.
21. Go for a sail. The Center for Wooden Boats in Seattle offers free rides in sail boats all day on Sundays.
22. Like winter sports?Then get some hang time at the United States of America Snowboard and Freeski Association’s Slopestyle competition at Colorado’s Copper Mountain ski resort.
23. Enjoy the soulful sounds of blues singer Francine Reed during her show at Eddie’s Attic in Decatur, Georgia.
24. Check out the cool stones at the Tucson Gem, Mineral & Fossil Showcase in Tucson, Arizona.
25. The Beatles never broke up in the “Beatlemania Now” show, playing at the Carolina Opry Theater in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
26. Tap a maple tree and learn how to make maple sugar during the Maple Sugaring event at the Tenafly Nature Center in Tenalfy, New Jersey.
27. Find some deals at the Aloha Stadium Swap Meet & Marketplace in Honolulu, Hawaii.
28. Take an African drumming class. If you’re in Victoria, British Columbia, you can take a class with virtuoso musician Mamadou Dia.
29. Celebrate Heroes’ Day in Mozambique. The east African nation won a hard-fought battle for independence from Portugal in 1975. Enjoy the patriotic parades and speeches as the nation remembers the sacrifices made for freedom.
BINGE YOUR HEART OUT
While CBS shows the Big Game, all the other channels will try to lure you away with hours … and hours … and hours … of TV marathons.
30. “Shark Tank,” CNBC. Let hours of unbridled capitalism wash over you and help you forget about the rigors of the gridiron.
31. “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” Bravo. Football is too violent, but backstabbing and cat fights among “friends” is OK?
32. “The Office,” Comedy Central. Because Michael Scott’s odd behavior never gets old.
33. “UFC Archival,” ESPN. Nothing says “hiding out from the rest of humanity” like watching old UFC fights.
34. “World Series of Poker,” ESPN2. No, it’s not really a “sport,” but whatever. Enjoy.
35. “The Simpsons,” FXX. “The Simpsons” have been on the air for 30 years, so if you do a complete marathon of their episodes, you’re going to miss more than the Super Bowl. You’re pretty much going to miss out on the rest of your life.
36. “Mountain Men,” FYI. No, this isn’t the wilderness version of “The Bachelorette.”
37. “Beachfront Bargain Hunt,” HGTV. Yes, the dead of winter is the perfect time to fantasize about ocean property that you know you can’t afford.
38. “Curling World Cup,” NBCSN. Because it’s never too early to get ready for the Winter Olympics.
39. “SpongeBob SquarePants,” Nick. You’re an adult and you feel like you need an excuse to check in on the goings on in Bikini Bottom? The Super Bowl just gave you one.
40. “Snapped,” Oxygen. Because true crime stories beat out true sports stories every time.
41. “Cops,” Spike. You’d think after 30 years’ worth of episodes those “bad boys” would have learned their lesson.
42. “Dr. Pimple Popper,” TLC. Remember, waaay back in the day when TLC (then known as the The Learning Channel) would actually run educational programs?
43. “Paranormal Survivor,” Travel Channel. People relieve their most harrowing encounters with the supernatural. Atlanta Falcons fans do that every time they see clips from Super Bowl 51.
44. “Impractical Jokers,” TruTV. Hidden-camera joke shows really aren’t your thing? Well, too bad.
45. “Everybody Loves Raymond,” TVLand. Because sometimes all you need is comfort food.
46. “I Love New York,” VH1. This show went off the air more than 10 years ago, but hey, they gotta fill the air time with something.
47. “Law & Order,” We. When isn’t there a “Law & Order” marathon on?
48. “How I Met Your Mother,” WGNA. Great. Another opportunity to revel in this sitcom’s greatness and then be let down by its asinine finale.
49. “NCIS: Los Angeles,” ION. LL Cool J is one of the greatest rappers to ever grab a mic. How’s his acting? Sit through a few hours of this NCIS spinoff and let us know.
50. “Planet Earth: Blue Planet II,” BBC America. Even do-gooder documentaries get sequels these days.
51. Stream Netlix or Hulu or Amazon Prime or whatever service you’re subscribed to.
52. Watch all the Oscar nominees for Best Picture. I’m mean really, when else are you going to watch “Roma?”
GET SOME SHUT-EYE
53. And of course, you could forget about all of these things and just catch up on sleep.