'They don't understand:' Amid COVID-19, 120K+ WI seniors with dementia cut off from family
PEWAUKEE -- Why haven't you come to visit me? Those are the heartbreaking words thousands of Wisconsin families have heard from loved ones on lockdown inside nursing homes amid the coronavirus pandemic. It's an especially confusing time for seniors who keep asking that question because they don't remember the answer.
"Good morning, Mom, can you see me? Your nails look so pretty," said Nancy Brundidge of Delafield as she spoke with her mother via FaceTime Wednesday, April 29.
Caring for a parent in decline is hard. Watching it happen from the other side of a screen is a
Nancy Brundidge and her mother, Mary
gonizing.
"Do you worry that she wakes up some days and goes, 'I wonder why I haven't seen my daughter for a while?'" asked FOX6's Bryan Polcyn.
"Yeah," said Brundidge.
Brundidge's mother, Mary, has dementia and lives in a memory care unit at Kirkland Crossings in Pewaukee.
"I just have a really hard time leaving her there," said Brundidge, unable to see her mother in person for weeks.
Instead of visiting, Brundidge stares at her mobile phone, hoping to catch a glimpse of the web cam she installed before the lockdown started.
"I'm just so consumed by this these days," said Brundidge.
Kate Kahles
Others, she knows, don't have "this."
"You sometimes already feel like you're on borrowed time," said Kate Kahles with the Alzheimer's Association of Wisconsin.
The Alzheimer's Association of Wisconsin counts more than 120,000 seniors in Wisconsin with dementia -- many of them locked down in nursing homes, cut off from family.
"They oftentimes have to be reminded multiple times why this is happening because they don't understand why their family can't come in," said Kahles. "They think their family is choosing not to come in."
Brundidge sometimes drops off supplies, but she can't go in, and no matter what she sees on her web cam, she feels helpless to intervene.
Mike and Nancy Brundidge
"I see her sitting in her wheelchair more than I'd like her to be sitting in her wheelchair," said Brundidge. "It's showing that the staff is overwhelmed."
That's why Mike and Nancy Brundidge are pleading for a change.
"They really do need an advocate," said Mike Brundidge.
They asked the nursing home to clear one family member per resident to visit, as long as they agree to follow the same safety precautions as the staff.
"Whatever the protocols are, I think any family member would go through them, you know, to be able to be the advocate for the person that they love," said Mike Brundidge.
Public health experts told FOX6 News the risk is simply too great for a population so vulnerable. The administrator of Kirkland Crossings wrote that they plan to continue following state and federal guidance prohibiting nonessential visits to keep residents safe.
"'I want them to be safe, but on the other hand, I want them to have a good quality of life," said Nancy Brundidge.
Nancy Brundidge and her mother, Mary
Nancy Brundidge said if there's one silver lining, it's that her mother may not even remember all of this, but the heartache of their forced social distance is something she'll never forget.
The state's "Safer at Home" order expires May 26 but that doesn't mean nursing homes will allow visitors to return at that time. It's just not clear when that will happen, and for Nancy Brundidge and so many others like her, they're just not sure what will be left of their loved ones' mental faculties when that time comes.
Statement from Kirkland Crossings:
"The health and wellbeing of all who live and work at Kirkland Crossings is our highest priority every day. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, we have not had any reported cases among residents or staff at Kirkland Crossings at this time and we intend to do everything possible to keep all who live and work here safe and healthy.
We continue to follow guidance from the state department of health, Centers for Disease Control and Center for Medicare & Medicaid Services to restrict all visitors to essential visits only, such as end-of-life or required care and services. Such visits are limited to minimize potential exposure in resident living spaces in the building. We are seeing the intended benefits of the Governor’s “Safer at home” orders and social distancing measures and will continue to comply for the duration of the extended orders.
Our hearts go out to those who have not been able to visit their loved one for over 6 weeks. We understand how important it is for residents to remain connected with their families and have provided a multitude of ways to support family communication including setting up video chats, arranging window visits and encouraging family members to call, text, email and send cards. Our caregivers take time to listen to family stories, share photos and read letters and cards aloud to call to mind and reinforce these important relationships.
The employees at Kirkland Crossings fulfill their responsibilities with diligence, energy, imagination and love. They are resilient and demonstrate their commitment to enrich the lives of residents through everyday care as well as special extras that keep residents active while keeping them safe. Residents and staff have enjoyed a variety of creative community activities each day while practicing social distancing. Adjusting to this situation, while challenging, is not overwhelming us.
When each day brings new changes and challenges, what remains constant is our commitment to our residents and their families and our gratitude to our staff. We’re all giving our best efforts and are grateful for everyone’s understanding, cooperation and compassion.
Jackie Iaquinta
Campus Administrator"
CLICK HERE for information from the Wisconsin Department of Health Services on COVID-19 in health facilities.